“Look at a day when you are supremely satisfied at the end. It’s not a day when you lounge around doing nothing; it’s a day you’ve had everything to do and you’ve done it.”

Margaret Thatcher

100 days… Just over 3 months of working out Every. Single. Day. What am I thinking?!

Now, don’t get me wrong, I absolutely love fitness. I’ve been working out consistently for 17 years, but never to this extent and never with the hope of transforming my life in the process. As most of my friends know however, I’ve always been a sucker for a good challenge, so here we are!

Let’s go back a few years. As I said, I’ve always loved fitness and enjoy a multitude of activities. Being active was ingrained in my lifestyle, but so was partying, bingeing on beverages and food, lack of sleep and gym inconsistency because something more exciting would come up and I’d decide to push my workout to the following day. I was always in shape, but never really challenged myself to a point of changing my body composition and seeing how much more I could commit and how much better I could feel inside. The partying would turn into anxiety the next day and for myself, it wasn’t a very healthy lifestyle to lead regularly.

Then I had my daughter and everything changed. I no longer had time to go workout whenever I wanted. I had to organize time for myself and also work around my husband’s shift work so he could enjoy his own time. It’s hard to balance and adjust with the lifestyle we were both accustomed to living. Now don’t get me wrong, I fully understand that this is normal for all new mother’s and that with time it gets easier. My in case though I struggled. I struggled with postpartum depression due to a challenging baby and chemical / hormonal imbalances in my body. While other new mothers seemed to adjust with time, mine became gradually worse. So did my anxiety and some minor depression. Going back to work only made those symptoms harder to control. I became more controlling (at least in the situations I could actually control) and had a lot less excitement and happiness in my life. The benefit to this new life I was living was that the partying was on its way out, but so was the socialization with friends I desperately needed to help myself heal. I put myself on an island and felt trapped, but because fitness was such a huge part of my life, I still forced myself to work out whenever possible. I believe that it saved me and kept me from going over the edge.

Now obviously I love my daughter to bits and pieces, that should go without saying. She’s a free spirited firecracker, just like her mother. Boy are we going to stress as she gets older and more independent! Ha ha… But here’s the thing, you can absolutely love your child more than life itself and still miss some parts of you from before them. One chapter of your life closes while a new crazy adventure awaits. It’s an adventure that gets more fun with time and always keeps you questioning your parental capabilities. Sometimes I truly wonder if I’ve got anything figured out… but we keep on rolling and hope to guide our little the best way we know how.

I’ve tried so many different avenues to alleviate my postpartum symptoms (can you even call them that after 3 years?!), but 3 years later, these symptoms still exist. Although the depression is fleeting, the anxiety has seemed to become a regular part of my life. Fitness, cooking and nature are the only things that keep me sane, focused and are my main forms of “self-care”. They keep me mellow (or as mellow as I can be!)

Enter 100 days of fitness. Every. Single. Day. I want to change my life for the better and be a great example for my daughter. I want to avoid the daily struggles I have with control and anxiety and be able to get back to a place of a somewhat care free, fun loving mother who’s got her shit together. I want her to see her mother working hard and pushing through a difficult challenge. It will prove to both of us that determination, focus and hard work can pay off and I can’t wait to see what changes are in store.

I’m looking for some deeply impactful changes… in my mind, body and spirit. I want to live my best possible life.