“Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions.”Dalai lama
It is hard to believe that I am over a quarter of the way through my 100 day program. Only 62 days left. Wow. I’m going to get a real and vulnerable with you today… because it has been a tough week for me, I struggled with my inner mean girl and had a few battles with my daughter in the process. I was definitely not being my best self.
To give you a little background information… I was very confident in my twenties. The little things didn’t effect me and a person could do little to sway me in their direction. Sometimes though, things come to an end though and when I had my daughter I began to struggle being me. I didn’t know who I was anymore. They say that you can loose yourself in your child, but I never believed that to be true until it actually happened to me. Postpartum depression can be rather scary when you’ve luckily never experienced depression, anxiety or any mental instability in the past. I’m thankful my symptoms were not severe, but I was still completely thrown off guard.
I no longer trusted my decisions, questioned my parenting ability; I became indecisive about everything. Anxiety and self doubt became a huge part of my existence. I closed myself off more often and started to forget how to interact with others, including my friends. When I forced myself back out into social situations, talking to others was a challenge. I told myself that I no longer had anything to contribute to a conversation. It’s amazing that someone can do a complete 180 by going from overly confident to feeling that insecure….. I know I’m not alone in this shift.
Fitness kept me sane (or as sane as I could be at the time). It kept me from going off the deep end. It provided me mental clarity, some self love and a safe space to be myself where I didn’t feel judged as a new mama. I became able to regulate my emotions more effectively, although I’ll tell you right now my husband probably didn’t always agree!
Now fast forward these last 3.5 years and I’m starting to feel like myself again. I attribute this mostly to my new fitness journey and to taking a leap of faith into the world of online coaching. Although I still second guess myself at every turn, I have a great support system and women in my life who lift me up so high. Getting comfortable in the uncomfortable is the only way to truly shift your mindset, build your confidence and become your best you. My confidence is returning slowly, which I understand that after negatively talking to yourself for years… can take time.
During the next 62 days of this program, I see more positive changes to come and I continue to push myself to do things I never thought I could. Not only mentally, but physically and spiritually as well. I’m becoming more mindful in my eating habits and even taking more time for things I see benefits from. I’m going to really think about what I want out of my life and help push myself in that direction. I like to say I’m done wasting time, but I know that’s a lie and that I’ll still have days of negativity and less motivation. It’s just part of my journey at this stage and Rome was not built in a day! Although I mourned the old me for a long time, I hope to become an even more confident, understanding and compassionate version of myself.
I took the last weekend to spend some quality time with a great friend and our daughters in the Dinosaur Capital of the World. We hiked, played, laughed, learned about dinosaurs and soaked in the beauty around us. We enjoyed many drinks, but we also didn’t miss a workout (that’s rare when I’m on vacation)…. that’s how much I am loving this program. It’s great being able to do them wherever you are. We kept each other on track and didn’t have to leave the end of the weekend with guilt or regret. We were just happy and at peace. It was so nice to have such a beautiful weekend since the week leading up to it was a tough one. I think I just needed to get out of my routine and that my daughter and I truly needed to get some fresh air.
I hope you weren’t here today for workout details during the last week of this program! I’ve truly been taking the time to reflect on my emotional state lately. A strong, happy mind fuels a strong, happy body and life.
Anyone working on becoming a better version of themselves? Have a transformation you’d like to share? I’d love to here from you ❤